What's That, Internet...You Missed Me...You're Sweet

Sorry to disappoint my readers, but you've been in England for the last three weeks, mom; I didn't think you'd miss it.  So much has been going on in the Parker house.  And by so much, I mean very little.  Here's a nifty bulleted list for you.  No need to thank me (I prefer daisies).

• Eli has been possessed by a slime-spewing, head rotating monster.  For the last two weeks, he has learned to contort his body in ways that would make a Cirque du Soleil performer proud.  We have his audition for Allegria planned for next week.  These contortions make an appearance when he is not getting his way.  For example: when he wants to wrap the cord of my curling iron around his neck (turned off...but still, probably not good parenting); or when he wants to drink milk from his sippy cup that's been sitting out for three hours; or when I try to change his poopy diaper (contortions during this are super fun, as poop usually gets on my arm and his feet); or when he wants to keep walking all the way to the highway by himself; or when I stop him from eating toilet paper from the trash.  Soooo...that's been fun.  I'm not sure what to do.  We do not give into him, we put him in time out, we are as consistent as possible, we have Super Nanny living in our storage room for the month...what else can we do?

On a more positive note...

• Ben now has his motorcycle license and is searching for a motorcycle to show of his mad CHiPs skills.  Meanwhile, I have increased my Xanax dosage (ha..ha...ha...ha...joking).
• I am running again.  I'm planning to run a 5k in a couple weeks.  There is a possibility that I may cough up blood at the end and need oxygen, but gotta love getting in shape.
• Eli and I got to spend a week with gaga and gaga (that's Eli for grandma and grandpa)...or he just really likes Lady Gaga (he has requested to wear his red rubber onesie a lot lateley).  Anyway, my mother-in-law had foot surgery and we went up to north to help her not go crazy whilst laying in bed unable to teach, clean, cook, find good deals at garage sales, organize, do laundry, and save the planet from social-studies-illiterate fools.  It was great to spend time with our family and get away from the Arbor for a while.  Also,  I laughed A. LOT while I was there, so good ab work out.
• Lost ended its 6 year run...and took a piece of my heart with it.  I won't go into my analysis of it here, but I LOVED it!  It was the best series finale I've seen...ever.  I really felt like the major questions were answered, and it was just a great way to end the show.  I cried at the end and am still wearing my mourning clothes. 
• We're moving to a new dorm building in about a month.  It'll be like a Jetsons upgrade.  We're pumped.
• I had a mole removed from my shoulder.  One time, I laid on a white sand beach in Florida for three hours after scoffing at wearing sunscreen.  Two days later my face looked like Sloth's (from The Goonies) due to the alarming amount of blistering and I was seizing in the bathroom (okay, I think I just passed out after throwing up, but I heard my mom tell my dad she thought I was having a seizure right before I passed out).  Fast forward to today.  I am now concerned that this blistering sun burn will result in skin cancer.  So when I found a mole that had morphed into a weird caricature of Mr. Potato Head, I made an appointment with my doctor.  He referred me to the nicest dermatologist on the face of the planet, who then removed it.  And the results are in...it was just a weird mole.  You may now exhale.
• T - 20 until Eclipse. Let the awkward Kristen Stewart interviews begin.

the end.