Saturday, June 12, 2010

Shameless...Utterly Shameless

Today I guaranteed my spot in Dante's lowest circle of Hell.  I mean, I might as well start saving for my child's future therapy.  So, Eli and I were in Meijer after our lunch date at Wendy's.  We were in an aisle by ourselves and I felt the urge to ummm...well, ease my gastrointestinal tract (fancy way of saying toot).

Sweet mercy, it was a doozey.  Silent and horribly, horribly violent.  So we're still in this aisle and this ubiquitous smell is unrelenting.  I started wondering if I had swallowed some road kill in my sleep.  So, I'm trying to decide between a couple of things for Eli when another family turns into the aisle.  A sweet family.  An innocent family.  A family who did not hide the disgust they felt when they walked into my sulfuric stink fest. 

And then I did it.  So unforgivable.

I turned to Eli and said, "Eli, did you go poopy? Peewey." 

That's right, Internet, I blamed my flesh and blood, my beautiful baby boy.  I made a beeline to get out of the aisle and apologized to my son after we were out of earshot of the gasping family in aisle death.  He just smiled, but I could see the look of betrayal in his eyes. 

And I know if he's anything like his father, he will someday get me back.


rachel said...

ohhhhh my word. amazing.

Melissa Hoffman said...

confession. It feels good doesn't it?