My List of Favorite Things-Sarcastic Edition part deux

I created this charming little Pollyanna list a few months ago.  You would think that a list of such sarcastic proportions would keep me going for the rest of the year.  However, you would be wrong.  I once asked my holy friend Heather (who is equally sarcastic) if she thought sarcasm was a sin.  She then proceeded to ask her even holier youth pastor husband who said without blinking, "Yes."  As I stood open-mouthed waiting for my rebuttal to work its way to my frontal lobe, a little piece of my heart broke.  How could the ONE THING that I am good at be a sin?  Looking into it, I suppose it's probably not God's favorite thing.  That being said, I think you have to (with any situation) consider context.  Yes, sometimes my sarcastic tone is not very nice.  However, I feel that when it's not directed at a particular individual, it is a healthy medium through which I can let off steam.  So there. 

Aaaanyway, I have been working on the second edition to "My Favorite Things-Sarcastic edition" for the last couple months (mostly whilst driving).  So, despite the fact that many of are judging me right now, I will proceed with the list. 

1. People (who may or may not be associated with SAU) who saunter out into the road in front of my car --  EXCUSE ME...I'm driving in this big box...hard to miss.  You're not even using a crosswalk.

2. (sort of tied into number 1) People (who may or may not be associated with SAU) who walk in the middle of the road oblivious to the car behind them even though there is a perfectly good sidewalk 5 feet to their right

3. (tied into 1 & 2) People (who may or may not be associated with SAU) who walk AT NIGHT, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD wearing dark colors.  I understand you want to take a romantic walk by the retirement home with your girlfriend, but please invest in a reflective vest so I don't face 5 - 10 for running you over.

4. Curt drive through people at Tim Horton's -- All I wanted was a doughnut; I'm sorry I didn't want to add a coffee...no need to sigh into your headset. 

5. Sleeping only 6 hours or less a night (for the last two months)

6. Small sinus cavities that make that squeaking noise when you try to blow your nose

7. Swine flu...sorry,  H1N1

8. People who go out into public when they have fevers and hacking coughs --  STAY HOME!!!  This world will not cease to exist if you don't make an appearance for a couple days. 

9.  Those commercials that have that theme song "Hey ladies, who wants a deal?  I do, I do."  I love these so much that they make me want jam a screwdriver in my ear.

10.  Blooming Onion gas

11. The $5 footlong theme song  (I know I put this on last time, but I feel it warrants a second appearance because of how much I loathe it.)

12. People who don't know how to use a semi-colon correctly (I know that this will probably offend a lot of people, but if you don't know how to use one, please avoid them...they are avoidable.)

13. The smell of formula after it has sat in a bottle for too long

14. Stale fries

15. People who refuse to use cruise control on the free way.  I understand that older cars may not come equipped with this option; my comment is not directed to them (I just used a semi colon to separate two independent clauses).

16.  People who sing harmony to every song on the radio

17.  Getting sweaty while drying my hair...why do I sweat when I dry my hair?  I'm 28.

18. Cleaning out the fridge (especially when the tuna noodle casserole leftovers have sat in there a little too long)

19. Shaving my legs (another 2nd appearance)

20. Facebook quizzes

Okay, looking back at this list, it does not focus on what is good or pure or praise worthy.  Nor does it speak volumes for the positive words that I let come out of my mouth.  So, yes, this is probably not the best spiritual exercise.  However, it does help me to get past the petty things that take up space in the recesses of my brain.

This is Halloween...

Here are some pics from Eli's first Halloween. I have to admit, it was a bit anticlimactic. I mean, he didn't know what was going on, it was freezing outside and he growls without a Tiger costume. But, it was definitely fun for his mama to get him dressed up. I mean that's what it's about, right--the parents. Anyway, here are some pics to commemorate the experience. I would like you to pay particular attention to his overwhelming enthusiasm in most of the pictures.

Dancing to "Thriller"

I'm cold...are we done?

Fine, I'll wave

8 is Great--Eli's 8th Month

Okay, once again mom is not on the ball. You turned 8 months old last Wednesday (like 10 13 days ago, last Wednesday). I thought that by staying home with you, all this free time would make itself known to me. However, any free time I have is spent cleaning, grading, doing laundry or watching missed episodes of Glee. I'm not sure how other stay-at-home moms do it (while looking fabulous)--Middlemarch has been sitting on my nightstand collecting dust, I haven't shaved my legs since 2008, and I'm pretty sure my hair looks like a past-its-prime mop on a daily basis. All this to say--I'm sorry.

Once again your fascination for all things new and unexplored amazes me. You definitely are a fan of the road less traveled. You have started crawling, and instead of crawling AROUND obstacles, you do anything you can to crawl through them or over them. And let's talk about your crawl. I'm pretty sure you're going to be one of those babies who is content to do the army crawl until he walks. I've seen you do the regular crawl, but you seem to bore of that easily and, instead, would like to work on your upper-body by roughing it through the brush. You've also mastered going from crawling to sitting. For a week or two you would roll over and just lay on your side like you didn't want anyone to know you were trying to sit. You would strike this pose like, "Hey, what's going on? What? No, I'm not trying to sit; I'm just chilling on my side." But, you finally got it.

Another milestone you checked off your list this last month was pulling yourself up to standing. I discovered that you had mastered this skill when I walked into your room one morning and found you standing (nearly falling out of) in your crib with a huge grin on your face (note: the crib has been moved to the lowest level). You've started walking while holding onto the couch or your activity table. You love to move. And falling doesn't seem to phase you (unless you're very tired at which point, you cry until the national guard has been called to deal with the conflict).

I'm going to move quickly through the rest of these, not because they weren't celebrated with high-pitched squeals from yours truly, but because I don't want to bore my loyal readers (i.e. grandma). You've also eaten, fingerpainted with, and zurberted out of your mouth a long list of veggies and fruits. You eat crackers and puffs (and ground them into the carpet). You use a sippy cup (mostly you chew on the spout, but you do occasionally imbibe the contents). You tasted prune juice (out of necessity--yowza). You cast your vote via text for Dancing With the Stars...aaaannnd two teeth--two painstaking teeth--two teeth that robbed your mother and father of precious, precious sleep!

This month was also the first time I spent the night away from you. Not one night, but THREE nights. Three whole nights and 2 whole days! We were separated for nearly 72 hours! You don't know how much I agonized over this. I was certain that I was scarring you by leaving you. Later on in your life, whilst talking to your therapist, you would have a breakthrough in discovering that the impetus for your crushing self-doubt and trust issues was the weekend your mother left you when you were only 7 months old! What a horrible woman! Your father, either sensing my inner-turmoil or fearful of facing 72 hours as a single parent, tried conjuring up illnesses to keep me from going, bless his heart. But alas, I had to go. And I came back...convinced we would have to re-bond all over again (I wasn't sure how I was going to start breast-feeding again--but if that's what it took...). I was convinced you would look at me with a confused look, "Who is this woman trying to hug me...get thee behind me!" All of my fretting, however, was for naught. We picked up right where we left off, like an episode of Friends. You were happy to see me; I was elated beyond measure to see you. Your father was glad to be done with his single parent duty (heehee...duty).

Being away from you only made me realize how much life has changed with you in it. This obviously isn't the first time I've made this discovery, but it was the first time I was able to step away from my life with you and see just how much of an impact you have made. You are so much apart of who I am now. Don't misread this, I don't define myself through you, but I live my life differently because of you. You are my sunshine; you'll never know, monkeypants, how much I love you!

To Emily: A Birthday Haiku

Emily's birthday
Twenty-two and fabulous
Happy day to you

Happy Birthday, Auntie Em; we love you!

Wherein I Scream Into a Pillow

Stress, thy name is Jeanette. I taught a unit in my Psychology class over stress. Each day of the unit I would introduce a different technique to help my students deal with stress in their lives. Over the last week, I have employed all of them to no avail. I've taken deep breaths, I have done some yoga stretches, I've listened to music, I've prayed, I've taken a walk. I've done all of these, and my intestines still seem to be vying for the most complicated knot in the history of knots.

Why all the stress you say (or maybe you don't care--so stop reading, jerk! ... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that--I'm just really stressed)? This weekend I am leaving my little boy for three whole days! This college class I'm teaching requires the students to experience a sort of survival weekend up north, and my group goes this weekend.

Traveling usually stresses me out. I hate HATE packing. I would rather watch CSPAN with closed captioning for 24 hours. Do you understand how much I HATE it? To add insult to injury, I have to figure out how to pack so that I don't freeze whilst sleeping in the woods, up north, in a makeshift shelter with a forecast of rain. ... So there's that.

Then, there's the stress of trying to get things done at home so that my absence will be felt as minimally as possible. I need to make sure Eli's clothes are laundered and his food stocked. I need to make sure Ben's weekend will run smoothly sans a parenting partner.

Finally, there is the stress of leaving my child overnight for the first time since his birth. Seriously, this has had me in tears. I cannot even comprehend what it will be like to not see him for three days. Will my heart just stop? Just stop beating? Will I die? Will I just fall over and die? (WHAT IF I GET H1N1?) I have every ounce of faith that Ben will do a wonderful job on his own; that's not my damage. I just am really sad to leave him.

Okay, I'm going to go scream into a pillow.

Faja!

Today is my fantastic father's birthday. My father is another one of my most favorite people. He has a quiet, commanding presence. Any guy I dated (all 3 of them), would express concern over meeting my father as they were scared by him. This always struck me as humorous, because my dad has never struck me as scary. He carries himself with such authority, though, that I suppose I can see why some may be intimidated by him.

My dad is a genius and very good at his profession (lawyer), although he would have you believe otherwise. My dad and his profession are somewhat of a contradiction. The word lawyer carries with it certain connotations, including dishonest. My father, however, is the most honest, morally upright person I've ever met. He is highly reputed and respected by his colleagues and clients (and daughter).

We always tease my dad because he doesn't share our humor concerning all things bathroom-oriented (i.e. farting and pooping). I love, though, that he never stifles our immature conversation. He just rolls his eyes and laughs along. My dad has always been one of my biggest supporters (even when I'm laughing about my gas). When I accidentally wedged their minivan in between two trees in the front yard, he wasn't angry and he didn't yell. He even was the one that coaxed me out of hiding after he was able to pull the van out of the trees. I've always felt that no matter what I did or what I achieved, my father would be proud of me.

My dad's faith is inspiring. I can recall so many mornings/late nights, when I walked into our family room to find him reading his Bible. His devotion to Christ is evident in all aspects of his life. I hope that my children are able to see Christ in me the same way.

He's also the best grandfather. My mom told me that my dad told her that he wasn't going to miss any opportunity to be part of Eli's life. He's even told me that he has cleared his Monday and Wednesday nights (the nights I work at Sylvan) just in case I need someone to watch Eli. It's so wonderful to watch him play and interact with Eli.

I hope that he has a wonderful birthday! I love you, dad!

Isn't She Lovely

Today is my lovely mother's birthday. My mother is one of my most favorite people. We drive each other crazy, but I respect her more than she knows. She has a strength that few possess. She has a tenacity that will knock you over and compassion that will warm your heart.

Steve and Mary going to a HS dance.

Her sense of humor is sarcastic and fabulous. She has a wit fit for British television. Often we compare our humiliating, only-would-happen-to-us experiences and pee ourselves with laughter. I never laugh as hard as often with anybody else. I thank her for instilling in me the ability to laugh at myself.

Young Rick family

Her intelligence and capacity for learning are inspiring. She is a leader in her field. She graduated top of her class at Cal State and received top honors in her two masters programs at the University of Michigan. I trust any medical advice she gives me (and she's had to dish out a lot since I've had Eli).

This year, she became a grandmother; although, I don't think she looks like a grandmother. I love that I can leave Eli with her and not worry about him the entire time I'm away from him. She has been an immense help with him. Becoming a mother has helped ME gain a new appreciation for my own mother. The intense amount of love and level of sacrifice she had with her children is so much more apparent to me now. When I look at myself as a mother, I know that I will be a great mom because I had a great mom!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARMEE! I LOVE YOU!