Thursday, April 30, 2009

Goals

I am a goal-oriented person. That's not to say that I always accomplish all the goals I set for myself, but I like to put them out there so that I have an idea of what I need to get done. As I sit in my house, slowly turning into an agoraphobic (stupid swine flu), I think about things I'd like to get done. They range from immediate goals to long-term. I feel inclined to put them out there for you Internet so that I have some accountability other than my 2 month old son who only communicates in a series of coos.

Immediate (within the next few weeks)
-Do not contract swine flu
-Prepare unit for The Glass Menagerie
-Start running
-Get haircut
-Convince someone to watch Eli for a night so that I can sleep 7 hours in a row
-Check out potential of taking summer classes for Masters program
-Do not contract swine flu (I know it's on here twice, but I seriously don't want to get it--and I REALLY don't want Eli to be exposed to it).
-Plant flowers
-Find a good book
-Get pics up in Eli's room

Long-term (within next few months)
-Finish up the school year with flair
-Decide what the Parkers are going to do next year (job-wise--for me--will I be able to leave Eli to go to work?)
-Start taking classes for Masters program
-Do not contract swine flu
-Run at least one 5K (hopefully the Concord 5K)
-Make sure flowers don't die
-Able to run at least 5 miles (pre-pregnancy workout)
-Take a gagillion pics of Eli
-Finish Moby Dick
-Watch less TV
-Find a great church (any suggestions?)
-Take a fun trip with Eli and hubby
-Write out Psychology curriculum

The end

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Happy Anniversary, Justin and Jen!

Happy one year to a wonderful couple...



and an amazing friend!

(in case there is any confusion...this is not the one year celebration of mine and Jen's friendship...just her marriage.)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Month 2: April is the gasiest month

Elijah, you are two months old today. I cannot believe it has been two months. Your development and growth will probably have me in perpetual disbelief. I have definitely seen a lot of growth from you this month. You're awake more and love exploring this world around you. You've also started smiling this month, which, in a word, is AMAZING! I would cut off all my hair and grow a mustache just to see that smile.




You like to sleep in your swing (Exhibit A)


and on your tummy (which momma doesn't allow unless I'm fully awake with my ever watchful eye on the rising and falling of your back)


You are so patient allowing me to pose you in all kinds of ridiculous situations. You've only rolled your eyes at me once (because you were in the beginning stages of REM).


You got to experience your first opening day (from the comfort of your living room). I even bought you an outfit to celebrate the occasion. Unfortunately, the Tigers lost. They did, however, sweep their first series at Comerica park this year...so you take the good, you take the bad.





This past weekend you celebrated your first Easter. I even think I saw you raise a hand when the pastor asked if anyone wanted to dedicate his or her life to Christ. You were also asleep at the time, so it might have been a reflex. Momma, in all her insanity, made you an Easter basket--which totally rocked your world (exhibit A).



You also got to meet your cousins for the first time. Which also rocked your world...look at that excitement!



It was fun to see the three of you together. You and your cousin Gigi are only 7 weeks apart, so it will be fun to watch the two of you grow together.


Your cousin Bella was so good with you. She's definitely the "mom" of the group. I can't wait to see the three of you become close.


This month has also been the month of gas. I would insert a picture here, but a) I felt bad taking pictures of you crying and b) it would make me cry. Your little tummy gets so tight and you get so upset. It's hard for me to watch you in pain; I feel so helpless. I just want to take it from you. I have definitely learned to call on the Lord with you. As a parent, I do feel powerless a lot of the time and I can't imagine raising you without my faith. I hope and pray that you will someday come to know and love Christ.

This is a whole new experience with you. I still just look at you and am amazed that God blessed us with such an incredible little man. We love you so much, Eli. Happy 2 months!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Happy 29th, Benji!

(I would have posted this on your actual birthday (Saturday), but we were not at home.)

Happy Birthday to one of my most favorite people in the world.


A wonderful son


A dedicated, passionate firefighter



A fun uncle


An amazing father





A devoted baseball fan





A goofball


An amazingly, terrific, fabulous, wicked-awesome, fun-loving, loving husband!


Happy Birthday, Benj! I love you more and more each year!

Love, Jem

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Spring of my Discontent

I have always been my toughest critic. I don't know if this comes with the territory of being the first born, but I constantly dissect everything I do, say and think until I'm on the brink of insanity. I over-think and over-analyze. In my eyes, I am perpetually doomed to fall short. So, it's no surprise to me that my skills as a mother would fall under this self-deprecating umbrella.

I love being a mom, but I had this unrealistic fantasy that my Martha Stewart gene would kick in upon the arrival of this little guy. I would all of the sudden be able to knit afghans out of the lint in the dryer and cook the perfect 5 course dinner and make ornaments out of my trash so as to be "green". I would know what to do every time my child cried and I would read him Shakespeare every night so that he would inevitably become the future poet laureate. Any selfish desire or thought would disappear as my whole world would be devoted to Eli and Ben. And I would do this all while looking fabulous.

Life, however, has other plans. I shower every other day and have even gone so long that my husband confused my greasy hair with wet hair. I wear sweatpants every day, my eyebrows are starting to look like Peter Gallagher's and my house looks like it's competing for some sort of home-makeover show. Most importantly, every day I scrutinize my parenting skills convinced that I've already given Eli plenty of ammunition for his future therapy sessions.

I've convinced myself that I'm this horrible mother not fit to watch a goldfish. I don't know what to do every time he cries. I've failed at breastfeeding. I've given my child (GASP)formula (my name is presently being put on LaLeche League's hit list). I have let him cry a minute or two before getting out of bed to feed him because I just want to sleep. I don't read him Shakespeare and I'm pretty sure he already has the theme song to Gilmore Girls memorized. I watch t.v. while I'm feeding him. I listen to non-kid music while he's in the car. I've let his laundry pile up. I look forward to alone time. I feel ashamed to share this with other moms because I feel that I alone am the only mother who falls so short. I read these momblogs and compare my own shortcomings with these fabulous mothers and look at my child apologetically.

Then I read this blog today and felt relieved. There are moms out there who feel this way. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, that I should be honest with who I am. God saw fit to give us this amazing blessing. I just have to trust Him and know that I'm not going to be Claire Huxtable all the time (or ever...she was just so fabulous). I love this little guy more than words can say and work hard to show him this everyday. I think that's all I can ask of myself.


(pic thanks to Sara)

Saturday, April 4, 2009