Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My List of Favorite Things-Sarcastic Edition part deux

I created this charming little Pollyanna list a few months ago.  You would think that a list of such sarcastic proportions would keep me going for the rest of the year.  However, you would be wrong.  I once asked my holy friend Heather (who is equally sarcastic) if she thought sarcasm was a sin.  She then proceeded to ask her even holier youth pastor husband who said without blinking, "Yes."  As I stood open-mouthed waiting for my rebuttal to work its way to my frontal lobe, a little piece of my heart broke.  How could the ONE THING that I am good at be a sin?  Looking into it, I suppose it's probably not God's favorite thing.  That being said, I think you have to (with any situation) consider context.  Yes, sometimes my sarcastic tone is not very nice.  However, I feel that when it's not directed at a particular individual, it is a healthy medium through which I can let off steam.  So there. 

Aaaanyway, I have been working on the second edition to "My Favorite Things-Sarcastic edition" for the last couple months (mostly whilst driving).  So, despite the fact that many of are judging me right now, I will proceed with the list. 

1. People (who may or may not be associated with SAU) who saunter out into the road in front of my car --  EXCUSE ME...I'm driving in this big box...hard to miss.  You're not even using a crosswalk.

2. (sort of tied into number 1) People (who may or may not be associated with SAU) who walk in the middle of the road oblivious to the car behind them even though there is a perfectly good sidewalk 5 feet to their right

3. (tied into 1 & 2) People (who may or may not be associated with SAU) who walk AT NIGHT, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD wearing dark colors.  I understand you want to take a romantic walk by the retirement home with your girlfriend, but please invest in a reflective vest so I don't face 5 - 10 for running you over.

4. Curt drive through people at Tim Horton's -- All I wanted was a doughnut; I'm sorry I didn't want to add a coffee...no need to sigh into your headset. 

5. Sleeping only 6 hours or less a night (for the last two months)

6. Small sinus cavities that make that squeaking noise when you try to blow your nose

7. Swine flu...sorry,  H1N1

8. People who go out into public when they have fevers and hacking coughs --  STAY HOME!!!  This world will not cease to exist if you don't make an appearance for a couple days. 

9.  Those commercials that have that theme song "Hey ladies, who wants a deal?  I do, I do."  I love these so much that they make me want jam a screwdriver in my ear.

10.  Blooming Onion gas

11. The $5 footlong theme song  (I know I put this on last time, but I feel it warrants a second appearance because of how much I loathe it.)

12. People who don't know how to use a semi-colon correctly (I know that this will probably offend a lot of people, but if you don't know how to use one, please avoid them...they are avoidable.)

13. The smell of formula after it has sat in a bottle for too long

14. Stale fries

15. People who refuse to use cruise control on the free way.  I understand that older cars may not come equipped with this option; my comment is not directed to them (I just used a semi colon to separate two independent clauses).

16.  People who sing harmony to every song on the radio

17.  Getting sweaty while drying my hair...why do I sweat when I dry my hair?  I'm 28.

18. Cleaning out the fridge (especially when the tuna noodle casserole leftovers have sat in there a little too long)

19. Shaving my legs (another 2nd appearance)

20. Facebook quizzes

Okay, looking back at this list, it does not focus on what is good or pure or praise worthy.  Nor does it speak volumes for the positive words that I let come out of my mouth.  So, yes, this is probably not the best spiritual exercise.  However, it does help me to get past the petty things that take up space in the recesses of my brain.


Christine Walker said...

I would like to add to #16 - people who sing harmony to every song in church. I love/hate to sit near that person.

Me. Thats all. said...

I'm guilty of singing harmonies all the time.... although, I try to find appropriate times :)

sara luke said...

Um, have you seen the pizza commercial set to a seemingly haunted version of the theme song from happy days? It beats the who wants a deal and $5 footlong commercials.