Monday, May 16, 2011

Here's the Rundown

Our House: I have been hesitant to comment on our home buying experience.  Not because it's been awful; it's been quite the opposite.  But mainly b/c I'm afraid if I put something out there in the universe about buying a house, something dreadful will happen, like it will spontaneously go up in flames or a den of angry badgers will be found in the attic. So, all I'm going to say is, we're buying a house. And I never knew so much paper work was involved.  I'm expecting a phone call any day demanding that we give the bank Eli as a down payment.  These folks are serious.  I mean what happened to make lenders all wary about giving out home loans?  Geesh.

McDonald's is for Suckas: I used to be a fast food fiend. I mean I used to make Taco Bell bean burrito runs at 12:30...a.m....after I graduated from college...and was legally supposed to be an adult.  I even watched Super Size Me while eating a Big Mac...just kidding.  But the movie really had no effect on me.  However, ever since I got pregnant with Eli, fast food and I have been on the outs.  Even after I had Eli, it never sounded very appealing to me, which I'm sure my liver is happy about (dangling preposition). However, a couple nights ago, I had a craving for a McDonald's hamburger.  So, at 8:40 p.m., e.s.t., I pulled into our local McDonald's drive through.  I ordered two hamburgers, a small fry and three chocolate chip cookies.  What?!  I was hungry.  The baby wanted cookies.  Stop looking at me, swan.  

Anyway, I pulled up to get my food, when a very nice gentleman informed me I would have to wait two minutes if I wanted chocolate chip cookies.  Two minutes? Pssh...worth it.  So I was asked to pull forward so that other customers who were not on their way to adulthood obesity could collect their sensible orders.  10 MINUTES LATERRRRR....a girl ran out with my cookies (which, by the way, were fresh out of the...whatever they bake stuff in at McDonald's) but not my hamburgers...the whole reason for going to McDonald's.  I politely asked her where my hamburgers were and she was all, "They didn't give them to you?  Be right back."  Her be right back had the intonation of a teenager who'd rather her parents get off her back...geez...I'll get to it when I feel like it.  5 MINUTES LATERRRRR she came out and was all, "I just gave you two mcdoubles with cheese. Is that okay?"  Ummmmm...no.  Anyone who knows me knows I despise cheese burgers with every fiber of my being.  The biggest fights between myself and Ben have found their genesis in a misunderstanding over a cheeseburger.  Also, if I wanted a mcdouble with cheese, I would have ordered one....they're a DOLLAR.  So, I very politely said, "Ummm...no, I really would just prefer my hamburgers."  To which she replied, "Uggghhhhh."  (oh also, it's pouring down rain during this whole fun-filled trip).  So, I was like, "You know what, I'll just come in."

So I pulled around, took my beyond-fed-up toddler out of his carseat, carried him through the rain inside to get my two hamburgers.  The manager came up to the front to greet me, and I thought, "Cool, she's going to apologize and give me free stuff."  Nope.  She was all, "Can I help you?"  And I was all, blank stare. "Ummm, yeah, I've been in the drive through for 20 minutes waiting on two hamburgers."  And she was all, "Why didn't you want the mcdoubles?"  And then I was all, "Because if I ingest cheese, I will die, fartface."  Not really.  I said (very politely), "I just wanted two hamburgers."  So she was like, "Okay."  3 MINUTES LATERRRRR whilst my child is pushing a highchair around the store, I get my hamburgers sans apology.  Grrrrrrr.  Note: I am so completely afraid of confrontation, that this rant will be what I do about my experience.

Master, whaa?: I love going to school.  It's true.  I'm a nerd. So I was super psyched when I decided to start my master's courses this past fall. But I also love not being in debt.  So when Ben and I decided I would get my master's, we decided we would pay for it as I went along...no loans (which is hard when you only have one income). But, we got a great discount on master's courses because of Ben's job at SAU, and we didn't have any mortgage payments, so we thought this year would be a good time to at least get my 18 credits of continuing ed.  So I took my first class in the fall, and we paid for it. I was supposed to take a class in the spring, but my work schedule conflicted with it, so I pushed it back to next spring.  No big deal.  I was signed up for three classes this summer.  And then...some things happened: Ben got a new job, we are no longer able to get his discount on master's courses at SAU, we're buying a house, we're having a second baby, and McDonald's will not cover it even though I waited over 20 MINUTES FOR TWO HAMBURGERS, so I'm dreading making a decision about what to do with my courses.  I'm dropping one of my summer classes, hoping I can cover my other two classes.  I'm optimistic right now, but kind of bummed at the same time. There's a whole lot more that I could say about this topic, but I don't want to...so just...okay?

Baby Numero Dos: We find out whether we're having a Pheobe or Pheobo June 6.  After careful consideration, I will not be posting pictures of my uterus on the internet (not b/c I judge people who do, I totally did with Eli...it's just a personal choice this time around), but I will let you know what we find out.  Also, I felt Alejandro (my name for the child for now) kick for the first time last week.  He/She was either kicking or chewing some Bubble Yum.  One more thing, I'm in that in between phase where I'm showing, but people don't want to ask whether I'm pregnant or just having a food baby.  So people just look at my stomach and then back at me and continue talking to me like I didn't just notice them looking at my stomach.

Big Boy Bed: Our plan is to not set up Eli's crib when we move.  We're just gonna have him sleep on the floor...he likes depriving himself...we think he's going to be a monk.  Actually, we don't want him to feel all kicked out of his crib to make room for Alejandro, so we wanted to have him start out life in his new house in a big boy bed.  But, we also didn't want it to be a shock to his system...new house, family of badgers, big boy bed...so we're easing him into it.  We took the "cover" (as he calls it...or the front) off his crib tonight to convert it into a toddler bed.  Now, my son is a creature of habit.  If you try to change up his routine, he starts killing people with just his words.  Luckily, after coaxing him off the ledge, he tried it.  We had to put his entire library of books in the bed as well as some of his cars, several stuffed animals and a trip to Disney World in order for him to even climb into the bed, but he got in. Parenting success.  It's been four hours, and he's still there...probably trapped under all his books.

 Milk Dud: 1, Tooth Filling: 0:  Last summer, after 29 years of being cavity free, I had to get three cavities filled.  It seems that along with my stomach muscles and ability to hold pee, being pregnant also deprived my body of a lot of calcium (mostly from my teeth).  So, I had them filled and went on my way.  Fast forward to this week.  I was enjoying a healthy snack of milk duds when all of the sudden I felt a disturbance in the force.  The caramel deliciousness was tugging on something in my mouth.  I pulled the half masticated milk-dud out of my mouth to discover a tooth like entity clinging to the dud.  Wha???  My mind immediately went to the most dire possibility of what could be happening: I for sure had a raging infection in my mouth that was currently traveling via my blood stream to my unborn child...that's the only logical explanation as to why my teeth are falling out...oh my word, my teeth are falling out...I'll have to start parking broken down pick up trucks on my lawn and insist Ben wears his nicest wife beater around our fancy company.  After I frantically called the dentist convinced she would want to see me immediately...to save my unborn child, she asked me to describe what the tooth-like entity looked like.  I described it to her and she told me it was probably my filling and she could see me in two weeks to replace it.  After I asked her if my unborn child was in danger, she calmly explained that a misplaced filling would do no damage to my child.  Then she hung up and told everyone what a whack job I was.  Just kidding, she's so nice.  Not like those miscreants at McDonald's.

4 comments:

rachel said...

LOL. I completely love you. Beware the badgers.

rachel said...

... or the opossums. whichever the case may be...

Melanie {kevinandmel.com} said...

you're hysterical, Jeanette.

And I would be totally TICKED at McDonald's. My gosh.

Melissa Hoffman said...

Congrats on the house, Ben's new job, and Alejandro! So exciting! Keep the posts coming... they make me so happy :)