Dear Postpartum Body,
We are not friends. I was prepared for changes. I mean you can't carry around a 7 lb baby and not expect changes, but come on. Let's talk about the massive amounts of hair that fall out with each shower. What's that about? And the gas? Um, it was "cute" when I could blame it on the pregnancy, but now it's just disgusting. I'm pretty sure Ben has a call into his lawyer. You even attacked my fingers. I didn't think fingers could gain weight.
I remember the days of normal looking hips and a tummy that didn't jiggle when I walked. Gone are the days when I could eat pizza for every meal and be okay. Gone are the days when Jujyfruits sufficed as a meal. I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye. I think that's what makes it the hardest.
Well, I hope you're enjoying yourself, fatty. I hope you're having a great time because the laughs are about to end. I plan to resurrect pre-baby body. That's right. If I have to limit my pizza intake to once a week, I'm willing to make that sacrifice. If I have to nix Oreos, I will do it. You will not beat me.