This One's for the Fans...

I know...I know...I haven't updated since Moses was a boy, but I've been busy thinking about unpacking from our move while watching free HBO.

So here's something that's been swirling around in the recesses of my mind for the last couple of days...and then I promise I'll update with pics of house and Eli (sans pacifier, people...parents: 1, Eli: still more than the parents) and maybe a pregnancy picture so you can see another beautiful life contributing stretch marks to a previously Olive-Oil-like frame. 

So, since we moved to Jackson, I've encountered a whole new culture group.  If you've never visited Jackson, MI (the supposed birthplace of the Republican party, home to Cascades Falls -- they light up, people, and the Hot Air Jubilee), you should drive through some time on your way to that U of M game, eat some White's Chicken and just take in the general societal splendor that will surround you.  If you're feeling really daring, head on over to Wal-Mart at 11:00 at night or just watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest -- you will feel the same after either experience.  Anyway, people here often remind me of a bad In Living Color episode.  You don't know why you're watching, but you can't tear yourself away.  Not to say that people here aren't lovely...they're just different from the Christian liberal arts community we've sequestered ourselves in for the last 8 years.

Anyway...I usually get gas now at a gas station 2 seconds from our house.  It usually makes for great social theater.  So I've noticed that every...E.V.E.R.Y. time there are two guys who are also getting gas who realize they know each other from that softball league they were in two years ago.  The exchange goes something like this:

"Hey, bra...what's up?"

 "Not much, bra...good to see you.  You playing in the league again, bra?"

"No, bra...hurt my shoulder last year."

I'm not lying.  Every time...there is a "bra" reunion whilst I'm getting gas. 

Now, here's my question: Why do guys call each other bra?  Is this a Jackson thing...b/c I know we tend to be behind on social trends.  Was bra an accepted term at one point?  Because I don't think Christian liberal arts college students ever called each other bra.  Do they not realize they are using the same term for a device perfected by Victoria's Secret?  It's a bit feminine. 

Also, it's stupid. 

So yesterday, whilst I was taking my fever ridden child for a car ride so that he wouldn't entirely rot his brain from all the Shaun the Sheep we had been watching, I stopped to put gas in my husband's geriatric-mobile.  And again,  there was a "bra" convention happening at pump 3. 

I got back in the car and turned to my son for an explanation as a representative of his sex.  I expected some type of archetypal answer.  "Because, mom...it's how we let the world know we have testosterone,"  or "It's a tribal secret, mom. You'll never understand."  But my sweet little boy looked back at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and said:

"Go to town, mama...get fench fies." 

A man after my own heart. 

Where's the Fire?

Eli and I went to Meijer the other night, and before we left I told him to go get his hat.  This is the hat he brought to me...and insisted on wearing.  

Here's the Rundown

Our House: I have been hesitant to comment on our home buying experience.  Not because it's been awful; it's been quite the opposite.  But mainly b/c I'm afraid if I put something out there in the universe about buying a house, something dreadful will happen, like it will spontaneously go up in flames or a den of angry badgers will be found in the attic. So, all I'm going to say is, we're buying a house. And I never knew so much paper work was involved.  I'm expecting a phone call any day demanding that we give the bank Eli as a down payment.  These folks are serious.  I mean what happened to make lenders all wary about giving out home loans?  Geesh.

McDonald's is for Suckas: I used to be a fast food fiend. I mean I used to make Taco Bell bean burrito runs at 12:30...a.m....after I graduated from college...and was legally supposed to be an adult.  I even watched Super Size Me while eating a Big Mac...just kidding.  But the movie really had no effect on me.  However, ever since I got pregnant with Eli, fast food and I have been on the outs.  Even after I had Eli, it never sounded very appealing to me, which I'm sure my liver is happy about (dangling preposition). However, a couple nights ago, I had a craving for a McDonald's hamburger.  So, at 8:40 p.m., e.s.t., I pulled into our local McDonald's drive through.  I ordered two hamburgers, a small fry and three chocolate chip cookies.  What?!  I was hungry.  The baby wanted cookies.  Stop looking at me, swan.  

Anyway, I pulled up to get my food, when a very nice gentleman informed me I would have to wait two minutes if I wanted chocolate chip cookies.  Two minutes? Pssh...worth it.  So I was asked to pull forward so that other customers who were not on their way to adulthood obesity could collect their sensible orders.  10 MINUTES LATERRRRR....a girl ran out with my cookies (which, by the way, were fresh out of the...whatever they bake stuff in at McDonald's) but not my hamburgers...the whole reason for going to McDonald's.  I politely asked her where my hamburgers were and she was all, "They didn't give them to you?  Be right back."  Her be right back had the intonation of a teenager who'd rather her parents get off her back...geez...I'll get to it when I feel like it.  5 MINUTES LATERRRRR she came out and was all, "I just gave you two mcdoubles with cheese. Is that okay?"  Ummmmm...no.  Anyone who knows me knows I despise cheese burgers with every fiber of my being.  The biggest fights between myself and Ben have found their genesis in a misunderstanding over a cheeseburger.  Also, if I wanted a mcdouble with cheese, I would have ordered one....they're a DOLLAR.  So, I very politely said, "Ummm...no, I really would just prefer my hamburgers."  To which she replied, "Uggghhhhh."  (oh also, it's pouring down rain during this whole fun-filled trip).  So, I was like, "You know what, I'll just come in."

So I pulled around, took my beyond-fed-up toddler out of his carseat, carried him through the rain inside to get my two hamburgers.  The manager came up to the front to greet me, and I thought, "Cool, she's going to apologize and give me free stuff."  Nope.  She was all, "Can I help you?"  And I was all, blank stare. "Ummm, yeah, I've been in the drive through for 20 minutes waiting on two hamburgers."  And she was all, "Why didn't you want the mcdoubles?"  And then I was all, "Because if I ingest cheese, I will die, fartface."  Not really.  I said (very politely), "I just wanted two hamburgers."  So she was like, "Okay."  3 MINUTES LATERRRRR whilst my child is pushing a highchair around the store, I get my hamburgers sans apology.  Grrrrrrr.  Note: I am so completely afraid of confrontation, that this rant will be what I do about my experience.

Master, whaa?: I love going to school.  It's true.  I'm a nerd. So I was super psyched when I decided to start my master's courses this past fall. But I also love not being in debt.  So when Ben and I decided I would get my master's, we decided we would pay for it as I went along...no loans (which is hard when you only have one income). But, we got a great discount on master's courses because of Ben's job at SAU, and we didn't have any mortgage payments, so we thought this year would be a good time to at least get my 18 credits of continuing ed.  So I took my first class in the fall, and we paid for it. I was supposed to take a class in the spring, but my work schedule conflicted with it, so I pushed it back to next spring.  No big deal.  I was signed up for three classes this summer.  And then...some things happened: Ben got a new job, we are no longer able to get his discount on master's courses at SAU, we're buying a house, we're having a second baby, and McDonald's will not cover it even though I waited over 20 MINUTES FOR TWO HAMBURGERS, so I'm dreading making a decision about what to do with my courses.  I'm dropping one of my summer classes, hoping I can cover my other two classes.  I'm optimistic right now, but kind of bummed at the same time. There's a whole lot more that I could say about this topic, but I don't want to...so just...okay?

Baby Numero Dos: We find out whether we're having a Pheobe or Pheobo June 6.  After careful consideration, I will not be posting pictures of my uterus on the internet (not b/c I judge people who do, I totally did with Eli...it's just a personal choice this time around), but I will let you know what we find out.  Also, I felt Alejandro (my name for the child for now) kick for the first time last week.  He/She was either kicking or chewing some Bubble Yum.  One more thing, I'm in that in between phase where I'm showing, but people don't want to ask whether I'm pregnant or just having a food baby.  So people just look at my stomach and then back at me and continue talking to me like I didn't just notice them looking at my stomach.

Big Boy Bed: Our plan is to not set up Eli's crib when we move.  We're just gonna have him sleep on the floor...he likes depriving himself...we think he's going to be a monk.  Actually, we don't want him to feel all kicked out of his crib to make room for Alejandro, so we wanted to have him start out life in his new house in a big boy bed.  But, we also didn't want it to be a shock to his system...new house, family of badgers, big boy bed...so we're easing him into it.  We took the "cover" (as he calls it...or the front) off his crib tonight to convert it into a toddler bed.  Now, my son is a creature of habit.  If you try to change up his routine, he starts killing people with just his words.  Luckily, after coaxing him off the ledge, he tried it.  We had to put his entire library of books in the bed as well as some of his cars, several stuffed animals and a trip to Disney World in order for him to even climb into the bed, but he got in. Parenting success.  It's been four hours, and he's still there...probably trapped under all his books.

 Milk Dud: 1, Tooth Filling: 0:  Last summer, after 29 years of being cavity free, I had to get three cavities filled.  It seems that along with my stomach muscles and ability to hold pee, being pregnant also deprived my body of a lot of calcium (mostly from my teeth).  So, I had them filled and went on my way.  Fast forward to this week.  I was enjoying a healthy snack of milk duds when all of the sudden I felt a disturbance in the force.  The caramel deliciousness was tugging on something in my mouth.  I pulled the half masticated milk-dud out of my mouth to discover a tooth like entity clinging to the dud.  Wha???  My mind immediately went to the most dire possibility of what could be happening: I for sure had a raging infection in my mouth that was currently traveling via my blood stream to my unborn child...that's the only logical explanation as to why my teeth are falling out...oh my word, my teeth are falling out...I'll have to start parking broken down pick up trucks on my lawn and insist Ben wears his nicest wife beater around our fancy company.  After I frantically called the dentist convinced she would want to see me immediately...to save my unborn child, she asked me to describe what the tooth-like entity looked like.  I described it to her and she told me it was probably my filling and she could see me in two weeks to replace it.  After I asked her if my unborn child was in danger, she calmly explained that a misplaced filling would do no damage to my child.  Then she hung up and told everyone what a whack job I was.  Just kidding, she's so nice.  Not like those miscreants at McDonald's.

Eli Has an Announcement

And while we do encourage his philanthropic side, this announcement has nothing to do with his efforts with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization, rather the idea that he will be joined by another sibling in T - 5 months.

Here are the stats:

• Baby Age: Baby Parker, Take Two is 15 weeks along, i.e. 2nd trimester
• Are we going to find out: We are going to find out whether we're going to have a Paul or a Paula (these are not names we are considering...sorry, Paula).
• Symptoms: I was very nauseous the first 12 weeks, and it usually occurred at nighttime, which is when I usually post on my blog, which explains my absence for the last three months.  Also, I...ummm...well, let's just say I needed to increase my fiber intake...sweet mercy.  Aaaand, I would lash out at my husband for no apparent reason, like if he was breathing too loudly or got me a traditional glazed doughnut rather than a twist tie doughnut that was also glazed.  He really enjoyed the first trimester.
• Expected Arrival: October 23
• Cravings: Salty stuff, root beer and Grey's Anatomy 

Fin.

Parkers Exit Stage Left

Where have I been?  Why have I neglected you so?  I do have good reason.  Life has been, um, changing very rapidly.  So, I have in mind what I need to update on, and I have created a checklist to keep me accountable. 

• Eli's 2nd Birthday and party 
• Ben's new job and SAU's blessings check
• Looking for a house
• My grandpa's visit 
• King Eli's ever-changing demands (he now tells us which way he wants us to drive when we get in the car)
• Summer plans

I do want to fill you in one of the most significant changes in the Parker household. After 8 years of employment at SAU, Ben has taken a job with Jackson County Sheriff's Dept.  He actually started today (Monday).  We will continue to stay at Spring Arbor through the end of the school year, as Ben will be performing his RD duties (hee hee - duties) in a part time capacity.  Which is awesome, because we get to stay here for a while longer until we have to find a house.

I feel like I'm taking this change harder than Ben.  Don't get me wrong, Ben has enjoyed his experiences at Spring Arbor, but he was ready for a change.  I, on the other hand, don't handle change that well...even good change.  It throws me off my axis, and I feel like life is askew until I can wrap my head around what has changed.  I started at SAU in 1999, graduated in 2003, got married that summer, where after Ben immediately started his job in admissions and we rented a house two blocks away from campus; Ben took the RD job in 2006, where after we moved back on campus, and now here we are.  I have literally not left Spring Arbor University since 1999. 

I can see your eyes rolling.  I know it's time to move on, but just...you know...okay?

So, we're moving in a couple months.  The university has been so gracious in their accommodations for us.  We are able to stay on campus until June 15, which gives us ample time to find a house.  The location has yet to be determined.  We want to stay in Spring Arbor township so Ben could remain on the fire dept, but houses are pretty difficult to find here, so we may be moving in to the booming metropolis of Jackson, which has got me seriously thinking about where we will send Eli to school.

 But that's for another post.  Until then...deuces.

Top Ten List...the Final Countdown

I know all of you have been waiting with bated breath for the final four events on my top 10 list.  Well, feel free to exhale, because here it is. 

4. Welcome to English 9 (& 10 & 11 & 12...oh and Psychology): my first teaching job.  I was fortunate enough to land a teaching job right out of my schooling (well, the 2nd time around).  I will never forget the phone call I received from the principal.  My heart fell to my stomach, did some splashing around, and stayed there until I almost threw it up.  I was beyond thrilled.  With my heart full of pride, I giddily drove to the school the following day only to discover that I was the only English teacher.  It was a small charter school of about 60 high school students...when soaking wet.  I would be teaching all four years of English as well as developing a Psychology curriculum for an elective class.  This time my heart went straight to my bum, whereafter I almost pooped it out.  I honestly did not think I would be able to do it.  I remember sitting on our living room floor trying to get ready for the year with binders and papers and books all around me breathing into a paper bag whilst crying.  But, the Lord is my shepherd...and I made it through...and I only came home crying for two weeks.  Even though the job was challenging, and my worst fear of having students who were smarter than me became a reality, I loved it.  It reaffirmed my decision to become a teacher.  The relationships I made with my students, my co-workers and parents will forever be blessings to me.  The hardest decision I've ever had to make was the decision to leave that job to stay home with Eli.

3. A baby makes 3: finding out I was pregnant.  Ben and I decided before we were married that we wanted to wait at least 5 years after tying the knot to expand our family tree.  Two months before our 5 year anniversary we discovered we had a little miracle on the way.  It was really hard for me to fully accept that we were actually having a baby.  We had tried for nearly a year, and I had convinced myself that it wasn't going to happen.  And I really regret not enjoying my first few months of pregnancy.  I was so consumed with anxiety and fear because I was afraid it was too good to be true, that I missed out on a special time with Ben.  During my first trimester, only our immediate families knew (and a lady at the church garage sale who made a dangerous inquiry about my burgeoning belly).  I wish I would have reveled in the moment with Ben during this time where only a few people knew.  All that aside, though, it was a great pregnancy (apart from a nasty minestrone soup episode and an overwhelming aversion to poultry).   The end result was pretty spectacular, as well.

Now, the next two are tied.  I couldn't decide which one to place first, because they both pretty much rock my socks off. That is why I don't have a number two (teehee...number two)

1. BENJAMIN BRUCE PARKER: I know he is not an event, but Ben and I started dating when I was almost 21.  A staple of my 20s, there really is not a specific event I could choose that would express how much he means to me.  So he is the event.  Funny story about how Ben and I met.  We had a mutual friend who was a senior at SAU when I was a freshman and Ben was a sophomore.  I remember she came up to me and said,  "I have the perfect guy for you...I know you two will get married.  You have to date him immediately."  When she told me it was Ben Parker, I was less than convinced.  I had met him earlier in the year and thought he was kind of conceited.  He, too, was not about it.  He thought that my Melissa Etheridge haircut automatically eliminated me as a viable choice.   The next year, though, we were both in our school's praise and worship team, we had a few psychology classes together and we started to become good friends.  The next year, his friend asked me out for him, we watched an Earnest movie and the rest is history.  I cannot imagine life without my perfect partner in crime.  He keeps me levelheaded when I am about to have a Meryl Steep moment.  He is the world's best father.  He makes me laugh like nobody else.  And I still get weak in the knees when he kisses me. He is my favorite.

1. ELIJAH STEVEN PARKER: I mean, have you met this kid?  I.n.c.r.e.d.i.b.l.e.  There are nights when I go into his room after he's fallen asleep and just marvel at his wonderfulness.  Also, its easier to do when he's not pulling a Rosemary's Baby.  Is being a parent challenging? The most challenging thing I've ever done.  Do I envision his future therapy sessions wherein he discovers I am the root of all his problems?  You betcha.  But I have never known a love like this.  I can only imagine that the love a parent has for a child is a small, small glimpse into the love the Father has for us.  Elijah is amazing, and I love every second that I have had the privilege of being his mother. 

Eli: 2 Years

I made this for Eli's 2nd birthday.  This is the condensed version (if you can believe it).  The actual version has video throughout, as well.  If you have 12 minutes to kill and are a fan of photo montages, well then prop up your feet, pull out that bag of doritos and enjoy.  If, however, if you'd rather have a lobotomy than watch 12 minutes of photos from a toddler's life, then move along.